Honor What You Need
Back in October, I deleted social media apps from my phone, packed up 10 years’ worth of personal journals, took a plane to Burlington, and drove to a cabin in the Vermont woods for a writing retreat. The experience was as dreamy as one would expect, and I’ll be reliving those five delightfully indulgent days for years to come.
For now, though, I want to focus on the part of that experience that I’m trying to replicate in everyday life, even as I continue to grapple with a bumpy transition back to the “real world” of school pickup, client deadlines, and piles of laundry.
This was the magic: when I was on my writing retreat, the only person who needed me was … me.
And I, being in the habit of attending to the needs of others, had the time and space to focus that attention on myself.
I woke up when my body said “I want to be awake”, and went to sleep when my body said, “It’s time for me to rest”. I paused every couple of hours to stretch before my hips and joints had a chance to yell at me for sitting at a writing desk too long; I listened for the whispers of “I need to move” and I responded with love. In the spacious solitude, I noticed something: my body gives me messages about what it needs. Fresh air. A dance break. A nap. Water. Quick phone call home to reconnect with my people. Throughout the long weekend, I received these nudges from my body and eased into a generous flow that made me feel… like me, my full human self.
When is the last time you were able to feel the fullness of your humanity?
Too often, the demands of the world separate us from our humanity. Bills need paying, work needs doing, and our people need caring for. Capitalism screams: “Produce! Make! Work!” No wonder it is such a challenge to notice the whispers from our wise bodies which are imploring us to pause and listen and rest. The dominant cultural narrative encourages us to separate from our own needs, to de-center ourselves, and to pour the limited time and energy we have into everything the world demands of us.
What if, every couple of hours throughout your day, you took a pause from that old story and listened for the whispers?
Try it now. Close your eyes, take three deep inhales and exhales, and wait. Then come back.
How is your energy? What does your body need? How can you honor it now?
This shift from doing (trying to get things done) to simply being (allowing what is, without immediate pressure to change it) does not require a retreat to the woods. This shift does not demand that you abandon your obligations. It doesn’t even have to feel “dreamy” or like “magic”.
This shift is nothing more than a gracious invitation, from you to you, to use the time and energy you have to honor what you need in the moment.
Your obligations, duties, and responsibilities are not going anywhere. The demands on your attention will not stop. Sometimes the needs of others will supersede your own, especially if you are a caregiver.
And still: you matter. Your body matters. Your needs matter because you are a full and expansive human being. The pause makes it possible to remember that precious truth.
And there are oh so many ways to pause.
Take the 10 minutes between meetings to make a cup of tea. Breathe in the steam.
Tune into a guided meditation or healing frequency while you’re doing laundry.
Lie on your back and put your hips, legs, and feet up on the wall - trust me on this one. Put a soft weight on your hips and eyes, then get lost in the sensation.
Even when everything feels crushing and immovable, and a pause feels impossible - remember, you always have your breath. Take it, and listen as your body whispers “Thank You” for giving it what it needs.
The point is to give yourself enough space, time, and attention each day to listen and learn what your needs are.
Daily, make space in whatever ways feel possible. Pause and listen. Your body holds wisdom about what you need in each moment. Honor the whispers with love, because you deserve nothing less than the fullness of your humanity.