The Transformative Power of Community: A Personal Journey
Our communities are vital to our well-being. I used to think of community as simply a physical space—a neighborhood or a building for gathering. Now I understand that community is truly about the people who inhabit those spaces.
The pandemic brought issues of isolation, loneliness, and our fundamental need for connection to the surface in ways many of us weren't prepared for. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General who served under both Obama and Biden administrations, has extensively addressed what he calls a "loneliness epidemic" in America. He advocates for addressing loneliness as a public health priority requiring policy attention, similar to how we approach other health crises. Murthy's work aims to destigmatize loneliness and emphasize that meaningful human connection is not a luxury but a necessity for health and wellbeing.
I started hearing about the “loneliness epidemic” during the pandemic and was naturally curious. It felt relatable because I understood my personal isolation. Being alone became a feeling of safety and I had gotten really comfortable in solitude. I could see how the trauma of others had seeped into my life and needed a boundary to stop that overflow. That was a huge challenge because in African-American families we are taught loyalty no matter what. Finding balance between family relationships and personal independence was a dilemma. I was living a double life, one for my personal and professional community where I could express the creative and intellectual parts of me and another, very protected one for my family. I feared being out of line with what was “expected” of me and I did not know where to start. My health and wellness has been a priority for me so understanding the impacts of healthy versus unhealthy relationships motivated me to figure it out.
Here is what I have learned:
Building our personal community is important for several core reasons that address our fundamental human needs. Having people who care about us provides crucial emotional support during difficult times, offering perspective, comfort, and practical help when we're struggling.
Strong social connections are directly linked to better mental and physical health outcomes, including lower rates of depression, stronger immune function, and even longer lifespans.
Communities also help us understand who we are and where we fit in the world, providing a sense of belonging that answers our deep human need to be part of something larger than ourselves. Different people in our communities challenge our perspectives and introduce us to new ideas, helping us grow intellectually and emotionally. On a practical level, communities provide access to information, opportunities, and connections that might be unavailable to you individually.
Having people to celebrate with amplifies positive experiences, making achievements and happy moments more meaningful when shared. A supportive community can help you stay committed to your goals and values, providing gentle accountability when needed.
My lived experience is a testament to these core tenets of community.
Discovering My Communities
Discovering my communities came in unexpected ways. For years, I considered myself introverted, preferring observation over social interaction. I previously mentioned that I interpreted isolation as safety. What I've come to realize is that in the right spaces and with the right people, I actually enjoy and even crave social connection. It wasn't that I disliked people—I just hadn't found my people yet.
There was a period in my life when I believed I was hard to love. When someone extended love and grace to me, I questioned their discernment. So many people saw something "special" in me and invited me to take advantage of countless opportunities based solely on what they perceived. It was confusing because it often went unspoken, leaving me guessing what they saw in me.
I had developed a habit of trusting the negative. I understood that I was full of imperfections, so when others saw promise, I believed they were ill-informed. Opening my heart to receive love opened up an entirely new world. It is because of my village that I now feel supported.
A few years ago I was doing community engagement work across the state of Missouri. I was fresh out of back to back traumatic experiences but the bills needed to be paid, so…I worked. There was a team of four in my office and two consultants who lived out of state. The work was centered on building thriving communities and my team was dedicated to seeing this come to pass. The passion and ambition they embodied was amazing and, in a way, I was starstruck. I had never been around such loving people in a work space. I loved and valued the opportunity to be alongside this team while doing such impactful work. However, my personal struggles were still present and my performance suffered. I was all over the place trying to not let them down while trying to move beyond my past. My team was gentle, forgiving, and kind. They introduced me to working in a safe space and taught me how to receive grace and support when I struggled immensely.
Then I understood. There are people sent from God who subtly make it known they believe in me wholeheartedly. I had to find a way to push through the negative perceptions I had of myself because I could not let them down. The pandemic revealed many realities for me, including the health of my relationships. That became the perfect time to let go of connections that no longer served me well. I started building my community from scratch—and it was the best decision I've made.
Once I opened my heart to forgiveness for myself, I began to see what real love looks and feels like. My perspective transformed and I recognized that I had people who loved me even when I felt I was hard to love. That realization made me weep with gratitude.
The love was always there. Community was always there. I just needed to see myself as deserving.
My Vision of Community:
Recently I have been hearing stories from my parents’ generation about the community where they grew up. They experienced living in true community. Families supported each other. Older adults looked out for all children. Families sat down at the dinner table together for meals. There were people within their community to call on when they needed a plumber, electrician, car repair, etc. There was a strong economic foundation for locals to support the small businesses of their friends. Schools were filled with students from the community and the educators lived in the community where they taught. There were activities for youth hosted at places like Turner House.
Turner House was a community center located across from Juniper Gardens Housing Projects in Kansas City, Kansas. The center was a place for middle and high school youth to hang out. They could play basketball, tennis, shoot pool, and listen to music. On Tuesday nights they had Teen Town for high school students where they hosted dance parties. Turner House had summer camp for middle school students where they spent two weeks camping in Knob Nobster, MO. Camp was free and it only required a parent’s signature.
Turner House exemplified the "Third Space" concept popularized by American urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg, serving as a vital social environment beyond home and workplace where community transformation flourished. It embodied the essential qualities that make third spaces effective: accessibility to all, an informal and comfortable atmosphere, convenient location, affordability, regular community members, conversation-focused interactions, and a relaxed environment filled with laughter. These third spaces—including coffee shops, libraries, community centers, parks, bookstores, gyms, bars, playgrounds, and various other public and semi-public venues—play a crucial role in community building. By providing neutral ground where people can gather, connect, and develop a sense of belonging outside their homes and workplaces, these environments become the foundation for creating meaningful communities and fostering social cohesion.
Hearing about my parents’ experience growing up was inspiring. This is the community I envision.
My Communities: Where I Belong
I have decided to be intentional about creating healthy connections, practicing grace and kindness when challenged, and expressing love to all. I made a list of the communities I have so far that align with my intentions. Here are the communities that sustain me:
My neighborhood: I feel safe in my home because I've built relationships with my neighbors.
My sister tribe community: They taught me the value of genuine sisterhood. They love me without judgment, offer support when they see me overcoming challenges, and cheer me on as I excel. I used to believe I didn't know how to be a good friend. Through them, I learned that being authentic is all that friendship requires.
My professional community: They empower me to pursue my fullest potential.
My genetic family community: This is the family I was born into. They are my foundation and reminder of where I come from.
My chosen family community: They keep me grounded and remind me of my values. They help me feel a sense of belonging and make sense of my experiences.
Strong communities help us bounce back from setbacks more effectively, providing both emotional support and practical resources for recovery. There were countless days that I wept in sadness. During those times, I thought it stemmed from whatever life obstacle I was experiencing. Now that I have strong communities I understand that the weeping was from lack of genuine social connection. Life has not stopped “life-ing.” The flow of ups and downs remain but having my community feels safe and loving. I have people who give consolation when I am low and inspiration when I am thriving. I liken them to a warm hug. I still weep but now my tears are filled with gratitude.
Referring back to the special God-sent people, I currently work with a team of five at Rooted Strategy. Three of us work locally in greater Kansas City and it is a privilege to work with them all. The way this opportunity came about was a miracle. I was starting my consulting firm and seeking a mentor. Rooted Strategy’s founder, Kathryn, and I were connected by someone we both knew and admired. Following our first meeting, we both felt our connection was divine and I was invited to work with the team. Kathryn later shared what she saw in me. She saw that I had an inherent gift as a connector – someone who wants to and can plug into my community and build new ones – and that is what made the team want to work with me.
A warm hug seems so minuscule when describing the love and support this team extends. It takes time for me to adjust to new routines and responsibilities and this role was no different; I am synonymous with messy beginnings. The fulfillment I have through our work together is challenging to put into words so I will share a few of their acts of love. I was welcomed into the group with all-around gentleness. We start our meetings with wellness check-ins which creates a safe space. There was and is always an opportunity for us to speak up about our thoughts, needs, and offerings and this makes me feel valued. Patience was offered as I navigated through finding my place, tools were offered to help me identify my natural gifts and preferred workstyle, and dancing and singing was welcomed and encouraged. This team was founded on love for all, dedication to the cause, and having fun every chance we get. Rooted Strategy team: you are the heaven-sent gift I dreamed of.
Finally, a smooth landing. I have found my place, and my people.
